When I got married, my husband and I were both young and still
students. I only asked for a small amount for dowry, trying to please Allah and
to prove to my husband that he married a simple woman who would be grateful to
him and would not cause him hardship.
Dowry doesn’t have a limit or minimum measure; you can ask how
much you want, but it’s encouraged to reduce it to make marriage easy. If you
are about to get married, your dowry will attest to your intention for this
marriage. So, ask yourself, What is your intention? Are you doing it to please
Allah? Don’t get me wrong; you have all your rights to ask for the amount that
you want, but let’s not forget that we are here to please Allah. And if you
think you will lose your share of this world if you don’t ask for a large sum
of dowry, you’re wrong. If Allah does not give it to you in this world, he will
surely give it to you in the next. Remember your purpose, your higher purpose,
and that is to worship Allah. Don’t let your desire bury that purpose; begin
living a meaningful life.
Let me tell you a secret of mine. I’m in my 30s right now, and
I’ve noticed that I’m always on the quest to find a way to challenge myself. I
always feel the need to be beneficial because there are times that I feel
useless; this is also happening to other Muslims, and our mistake is that we
fill up this emptiness by entertaining ourselves with what this world offers,
which will only lead us to being unsatisfied again. To fight that feeling, we
need to do something that will please our Lord. I’m telling you this to let you
know that even if you ask for millions or trillions from your groom, you will
never be satisfied lest you do something good to please Allah.
My sister, accept a man who you will love with or without money,
with or without status, and in hardship or ease. Be the right woman; be the
woman that the prophet will want to marry. The dowry will not determine if you
will live in comfort, but your kindness and gratitude will. Learn to love
without dollars in your eyes. Marry someone with mercy and kindness in your
heart. If you love a man without expecting anything in return, Allah will bless
your marriage with prosperity, peace, and righteous children. Exist to please
Allah.
Before I end this, I want to share the story of one of the women
companions of the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who were given the good
news of paradise. She is Umm Sulaim bint Milhan Al-Ansariyah (may Allah be
pleased with her), a woman who is patient, brave, intelligent, with a kind
heart, and the mother of Anas ibn Malik.
Her first marriage was miserable, and there were endless fights
between her and her husband because she became a Muslim. Her husband couldn’t
accept it and left her.
In Madinah, there was a handsome young man called Abu Talhah,
who was also the leader of his tribe. He was a non-Muslim when he met Umm
Sulaim. He admires her and sent a proposal to her, but she refused him because
he is a disbeliever. He tried his best to persuade her, but she is firm in her
religion. She told him a proposal from a man like him who has status would not
be rejected, but she has no choice and can’t accept his proposal. She dedicated
her life to Islam, and Abu Talhah, up until that time, was deprived of the
guidance of the Almighty. At last, he asked her if she would marry him if he
accepted Islam. She was very pleased at this, and she said the dowry for her
would be his acceptance of Islam.
Thabit Aslam Bannani, the famous successor and scholar, says
this was an excellent dowry and unique in the history of Islam. After the
marriage, the prophet (peace be upon him) often used to visit her and pray for
her prosperity and the blessings of Allah for her [1].
Reference
[1] Great Women of Islam by Mahmood Ahmad Ghandanfar, page 202
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